Homepage / Fake News / Conservatives Love To Destroy Their Belongings To "Own the Libs"
The Game Where Two People Are Secretly Stoned [Full Episode] Alright Fellas, We’re Doing It: We’re Robbing This Bank 84% Support Marijuana Legalization An Alien’s Guide to Caring for Human Babies ‘The Onion’ Endorses Legal Marijuana Peeps Unveils New Boneless, Skinless Marshmallow Breasts China Discontinues State Surveillance Program After Finally Finding Guy Who Drove Into Xi Jinping’s Mailbox Venmo Rolls Out Feature Allowing Users To Send Goons To Collect Payment Tips For Taking Care Of Houseplants Mueller Report Released Unemployed Prince Harry, Meghan Markle Announce Plans To Give Baby Up For Adoption A 420 Visit from The Weed Man Biggest Revelations From The Mueller Report Let Me Feign Confidence for this Networking Luau Defiant Sarah Huckabee Sanders Claims She Doesn’t Know Where Voice Comes From When She Opens Mouth There Are No Dinosaurs In Alien (Tournament of Champions, Pt 3) Nation Spooked After Running Into Creepy Old Night Watchman Tracking Trump Administration Turnover French President Pledges To Rebuild Notre Dame In 5 Years List: Classic Song Titles Re-Imagined at This Tech-Heavy, Millennial-Targeted, Social-First Advertising Agency Stephen Miller Palms ICE Agent $50 Bill In Exchange For A Little Alone Time With Detained Migrants Erotica by a Woman Pretending to Be a Man Who is Pretending to Be a Woman Beyoncé Releases Surprise Live Album Neutrogena Calls For Worldwide Cleansing In Effort To Attain Facial Purity ‘Boating World Magazine’ Giving Live Updates As Its Team Of Reporters Reads All Of Mueller Report The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report You’re Far Too Dumb To Be Reading The Mueller Report Yourself North Korea Tests Out New Knife In Smaller Escalation Of Threats To U.S. Weekend No. 19 in the County Jail ‘Mayor Pete’ Buttigieg Joins 2020 Race What Is the Worst Tattoo to Get? List: 7 Cactuses Who Could Beat the Golden State Warriors Barr Releases Catatonic Mueller After Removing All Sensitive Material From Special Counsel’s Brain Dressing Room Curtain Tested For Vulnerabilities There An Adult Superstore Off Exit 16 The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement Light Beer Healthiest Food Option At Stadium Game Boy Turns 30 Cinnabon Defends $800 Million Contract To Manufacture Pastries For Saudi Arabia Charlize Theron Is ‘Shockingly Available’ and Waiting for Someone to ‘Step Up’ and Ask Her Out – YEAH, RIGHT!!! Sony Scores Big Win For PlayStation 5 After Poaching Yoshi From Nintendo With 10-Year $400 Million Contract The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Vice President Joe Biden Investigators Trace Cause Of Notre Dame Fire To Cathedral’s Outdated 12th-Century Electrical System Dems’ White Man Problem – Will Durst, Humor Times Sony Reveals First PlayStation 5 Details Steve Kerr Reminds Warriors To Seem Sad DeMarcus Cousins Injured Beyond Meat Researchers Announce Creation Of Fully Conscious, Plant-Based Veal Calf Fenta-Nil Sloths Risk Death When They Poop RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office Pete Buttigieg Stuns Campaign Crowd By Speaking To Manufacturing Robots In Fluent Binary Leveling Up (with Satine Phoenix) ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 8 Premieres Lazy Minor League Promotion Just ‘Baseball Night At The Stadium’ Paul Manafort Starts New Job Lobbying Prison Guards On Behalf Of Aryan Brotherhood List: Things I, A Super Progressive White Man, Am Willing to Forgive Beto O’Rourke Be the Housesitter: Mitski’s Housesitting Instructions Trump Vows to Restore Workplace Harassment Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 16, 2019 Friend Has Some Jerky In Clear, Unlabeled Bag For You To Try My Healthcare Plan is to be Buried in an Ancient Pet Cemetery Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less Gas Tips For Playing ‘Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice’ Tiger Woods Wins 5th Masters Title Mom Dropped Like 80 Bucks On Some Necklace With An Owl On It At The Art Fair These Weed Names Are NOT Chill Paris Vows To Rebuild Notre Dame Despite Cosmic Absurdity Of Seeking Inherent Meaning In Fleeting Creations Of Man Notre Dame Gargoyle Going To Stay As Still As Possible Until Arson Investigator Gone 5 Things To Know About ‘The Man Who Killed Don Quixote’ List: The Recipe to Every Meal You’ll Cook in Your First Real Apartment Priest Cursed With Incredible Penis Suspicious New WikiLeaks Document Dump Exposes How Awesome And Trustworthy U.S. Government Is ‘Star Wars IX’ Trailer Released My Boyfriend Left Me for a Girl Who Sings Sensual Covers of Alternative Rock Songs on YouTube Neighbor Oblivious To Fact She Being Groomed For Cat-Sitting Jesus Christ Pushes Past Firefighter Into Burning Notre Dame To Save Beloved Relic Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc. – David Martin, Humor Times Child Promised He Can Go Right Back To Video Game After Giving Dying Grandfather One Last Hug Trump Considering Releasing Detainees In Sanctuary Cities ‘Us Weekly’ Wins Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievement In Photoshopping A Rip Between Divorced Celebrity Couple Trooper of the Week [Full Episode] The Week In Pictures – Week Of April 15, 2019 A Car That Won't Play the First Song In Your Phone Man Delivery Kits for the Single Lady Ilhan Omar Disrespectfully Refers To America As ‘A Place’ Crestfallen ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Starting To Realize Series Never Going To Show Dragons Fucking Dog A Pervert In Ways Owner Will Never Know List: Thank You for Calling the IRS, Please Listen Closely, As Our Menu Options Have Changed Ideas For Mending Your Relationship With The IRS After Being Caught Cheating On Taxes Everyone's a Republican On Tax Day One Scintillating Detail You Can Share With Your Date About Each of the Books On Your Bookshelf That You Haven’t Actually Read Oh, God! It’s Not THAT Time Again Is It??? Horoscopes for Jerks: April 2019 Morlocks and Eloi (Tournament of Champions, Pt 2) Stress Treatment: A Sexy Lesbian Doctor's Orders Julian Assange Arrested In London Congratulations on the Birth of Your Child, That Will Be $765,047.04 I Am Ben Affleck’s Back Tattoo Christian Bale Loses 40 Years For Upcoming Movie Role New Report Finds Amazon May Be Listening To You Through Hardcover Copies Of Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’

Fake News

Conservatives Love To Destroy Their Belongings To “Own the Libs”


@johnrich / Twitter

It’s almost bizarre how incredibly politicized and confused former 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s kneeling protests have become – it has explicitly, over and over, beyond the point of redundancy been explained by all the individuals participating in the protests of kneeling during the National Anthem that the thing they’re protesting is racial injustice in the United States, primarily the systemic issue of members of law enforcement murdering people of color and facing no repercussions for their actions. And yet, the hyper right-wing take has continued to be “b-but they’re disrespecting the flag! And VETERANS!”

Despite the fact that the concept of kneeling was recommended by a military veteran to show respect. But, ya know, whatever.

Anyways, Nike made a fairly bold, nicely progressive move in launching a new “Just Do It” campaign with Colin Kaepernick at the center, supported by a theme of standing up to impossible forces and holding strong in your principles, no matter how much flak and criticism and consequences you may face. It’s pretty solid, if only in that “corporate-sponsored wokeness” way, at least (Nike – as a corporation – still has not actually answered for its many scandals regarding its use of sweatshops and, ya know, things that actually deserve being mad about).

But again, Colin Kaepernick’s protests have become A LITTLE CONTROVERSIAL – primarily by people arguing in bad faith about what his protests ACTUALLY mean, while putting their hands over their ears and shouting “LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOUUUU!” whenever anyone tries to explain the thing he (and others) have explicitly said over and over. And these people are NOT happy that their favorite sports-adjacent brand is supporting a talented quarterback who doesn’t like seeing people of color get murdered by law enforcement, so they’ve decided to do what always happens in these times of corporations taking mild steps towards being on the right side of history….destroy their own property!

Couple problems with this line of protest against a corporation:

1. You already bought the thing they were selling, so this mainly just screws you over

2. If you were trying to take some kind of moral stance, maybe just donate the clothing or shoes to a homeless shelter or something?

3. Pretty big win for Nike here, since they already got your money and now no longer have to worry about some weirdo dipshits serving as their brand ambassadors

What’s weirder is that this is all part of a larger trend of conservatives getting mad at a major corporation for some weird reason and then their response being to just straight up waste their own money as a form of protest. It largely breaks down into a few stages:

STAGE 1: Some conservatives or conservative-leaning group goes a bit too far, even for corporate America

STAGE 2: A major corporation makes some extremely minor change, either towards corporate wokeness or just distancing themselves from the conservative thing

STAGE 3: Extremely online conservatives FREAK THE HELL OUT and start destroying their own property (or giving more money to the corporation) in order to…prove some kind of point?

STAGE 4: The boycott fizzles immediately, everything blows over, and everyone forgets it ever happened

Does anyone remember when conservatives were literally destroying their (pretty expensive) Keurig machines when they thought Keurig was pulling advertising buys from Hannity (over Hannity’s vocal support and defense of former Alabama Seante candidate Roy Moore)?

Or the time Yeti Coolers ended a discount partnership with the NRA (kinda), and people just straight up destroyed their Yeti products?

And who could forget the (multiple!) times conservatives thought that asking Starbucks employees to write certain names on cups would serve as a potent clapback, either to replacing “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Holidays” or some other meaningless thing?

At least in this iteration, they weren’t just straight up destroying things they’d already paid for, but they were still handing money over to the corporation they supposedly had beef with, in order to earn some kind of ideological victory by making baristas write “Merry Christmas” on a cup (something which they could not give less of a shit about).

So, hey – if this is how you want to protest (by handing over a bunch of money to a corporation, and then ruining your own shit after the transaction has been completed), please WOULD ANYONE BE INTERESTED IN COLLEGEHUMOR’S NEW BOOK, “The Official Guide To Disrespecting The Flag”? Here’s a sample graphic:

Conservatives Love To Destroy Their Belongings To

CollegeHumor / Shutterstock

Please send us $100 and we’ll send you a book that you can start on fire or toss into the toilet or whatever you want.

Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.