Homepage / Fake News / After Watching One Episode of “The Great British Baking Show,” I’m Ready to Judge the Break Room Bakes
Innocuous Thing You Did In Public Prompts Inside Joke That Bonds Group Of Teens For Life The Origins Of Popular Christmas Songs Long Lost “A Christmas Carol” Remake Starring Worst Actors Ever Discovered in Storage Facility Kleenex To Release Special Facial Product For Democrats: “Pity Me Tissues” Theresa May Narrowly Manages To Survive Parliamentary Firing Squad New Smithsonian Exhibit Honors Thousands Of Pets Who Joined Workforce After Owners Left To Fight In World War II CNN Opens Up 24-Hour Anonymous Tip Line For Anyone With Synonyms For ‘Mueller Closing In’ Trump Ex-Lawyer Michael Cohen Given 36 Months In Prison Nation Finally Ready To Look At More Sidewalk Drawings That Look Like Big Holes But Are Actually Just Flat My Boyfriend Wants To Go On a "Gaycation" (Love Advice) Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Rescinds Nomination After Discovering The Cure Was Voted In As Cruel Prank By Popular Kids Warhammer & The Weasleys Donald Trump’s Criterion Top 10 Mortician Always Keeps Hammer At Tableside Just In Case One Comes Back To Life U.S. Military Honors Sacrifices Of NFL Players By Wearing Jerseys Throughout December Theresa May Delays Vote On Brexit Deal System For Telling Clean Clothes From Dirty Falls Apart By Second Day Of Trip Ayatollah Upset Notre Dame Made NCAA Playoff Instead of UCF Jackets to Buy This Winter Instead of Having a Personality “Lawyers, Guns and Money” Playing Repeatedly In West Wing At High Volume U.S. Coal Consumption Drops To Lowest Level In 40 Years ‘Oh, Was I Not Enough For You?’ Amazon Echo Asks Couple Bringing New Baby Home Delta Plane Jettisons Dozens Of Comfort Animals Midflight Following Policy Changes Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor Pros And Cons Of Seeking Out Uncontacted Peoples Time Awards Person Of The Year To Targeted Journalists Including Jamal Khashoggi Machiavelli’s Job Application Campbell’s Unveils New Tomato Soup Humidifier The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Chuck Grassley Michael Cohen Granted Prison Work Release For New Job With Trump 2020 Campaign Eve of Impeachment: A Song Parody Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside French President Sarkozy Took Million From Gaddafi, Does a Contribution to Obama Explain Benghazi My Girlfriend Has a Dildo From Her Ex-Boyfriend (Love Advice) New York Family Man Latest Victim Of Nation’s Misguided War On Tax Evasion, Perjury, Campaign Finance Violations Bicoastal Time Zone Lesson‬ The Joy of Painting Advanced Weapons Systems Thousands Of Drunk Revelers Dressed As Jesus Descend On Vatican For Annual ChristCon Pub Crawl Every Person In High-End Singapore Casino Either Carrying Out Or Target Of Assassination Frat Nutritionists Dare Americans To Swallow More Live Goldfish Study Finds Average American Gets Most Physical Exertion Waving Cell Phone Around To Get Signal We Were Young and in Love and it was Nuclear Winter Power Harassment Indifference: Income Inequality for Women Persists 2018 Top 10 Comedic News Stories White House Holiday Decorations Through History Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’ Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country Satanic Statue On Display In Illinois Capitol Building For Holidays Soldier Back Home From Serving At Mexico Border Still Having Nightmares About Being Used As Political Prop How To Spot Red Flags With My Married Dom? (Love Advice) Google Translation for Work-Appropriate Self-Evaluations Local Clan Attempts To Intimidate Rivals With Aggressive Display Of Fertility See Plum Run: Official Music Video Authoritarian Secretary Of Transportation Declares She Has Ultimate Right Of Way In Every Traffic Scenario Bertolli Packaging Promises Empty Ravioli Floating In Filling-Saturated Water In Just 5 Minutes Court Filings Suggest Trump Illegally Directed Hush Money Payments Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 11, 2018 Mosquitos: The Best Support System You Never Knew You Had ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Now Just Hoping George R.R. Martin Dies Soon So Estate Can Release Whatever He’s Already Written Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship John Kelly Out As Chief Of Staff MLB Hoping To Boost Attendance At League Meetings With ‘Star Wars’ Night 5 Reasons Why the Donner Party was Better Than Your Birthday Party Woman Trying To Wean Self Off Coffee By Switching To Long Island Iced Tea I Tricked My Girlfriend Into Dating Me For a Bet (Love Advice) White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff A Dirty Cop's Worst Nightmare At Disney, We Live Every Day In Terror That You’ll Turn On Superhero Movies Flakes On A Plain 5G Phones Coming Petting Zoo All Goats 10 Fun Ways to Market a House Without a Garage The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 10, 2018 Nixon’s Waterloo… My American Scandal I Am Not Like All the Rest: Funny Lines from Online Dating Profiles The Trumpanos: A New HBO Series Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings Lame Time Traveler Arrives to Warn Nation Against Electing Trump POTUS Wes Anderson Begins Filming Next Film In France A Funeral Director’s Guide on How Best to Die Dating By Invitation Only GPS Lite: The Navigation System That Doesn’t Know Where You’re Going Must Really Suck Being A Democrat These Days Help! I’m the Cialis Guy and I’m Trapped in an Eli Roth Film Fourth Verse Of Christmas Carol Gets Super Religious Tumblr To Ban All Adult Content The Swimsuit Issue L.A. Adds Lanes For Cyclists To Recover From Getting Hit By Cars I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun This Hotel A Goddamn Maze, Reports Father Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat Mom Sends Blurry, Indistinct Photo Of Computer Screen Showing Boots You Might Like Should The NFL Be Doing More To Prevent Female Concussions? How To Get A GoFundMe Insurance Plan NRCC Emails Stolen During Major 2018 Election Hack My Boyfriend Gave Me Cheetos For My Birthday (Love Advice) Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids Fox News Intern Fetching Coffee Tells Herself This Will All Pay Off When She Trump’s Secretary Of State One Day

Fake News

After Watching One Episode of “The Great British Baking Show,” I’m Ready to Judge the Break Room Bakes

Janet’s Rice Krispie Treats

Right, then. It all comes down to proportions for this one. If the ratio of crisped rice to marshmallow fluff is even slightly off, the whole thing can collapse. But I have to say, I think you absolutely nailed the recipe on the cereal box. The taste of the mallow comes through beautifully, and we get a lovely crunch from the delicate Krispies.

However, it is a bit basic if I’m being honest. Perhaps if you had substituted a Cocoa Krispie, maybe even a Fruity Pebble, the end result would have been more visually engaging.

Still, it’s a delightful biscuit that you and the entire accounting department should be proud of.

Melissa’s Cake Pops

Oh, Melissa.

Once again it seems you were so preoccupied with presentation that you neglected the bake itself. I suspect you might have overworked the batter, or potentially underworked it, or it’s possible they were in the oven too long, or not long enough. It’s impossible to tell, I’m afraid.

I will say, you achieved a nice glossy sheen on the chocolate coating, and the addition of candy googly eyes represents superlative technique, but that’s not enough to save what’s unfortunately a rather underwhelming bake.

Oh, and while I have your attention, did you get my email about completely reformatting those spreadsheets? Sooner would be better than later!

Leslie’s Banana Pudding Topped With Nilla Wafers

Everyone in the office knows how much I appreciate a great pud, so my expectations were stratospheric when I saw this chilling in the fridge next to the communal LaCroix. And lo and behold, you managed to exceed my expectations by a kilometer.

The flavor of the banana simply sings, and it’s so clever how you added sliced banana to the pud so people know it’s banana and not lemon or something gross like that. The custard has set perfectly, which is a near miracle considering how many times I opened the fridge to check if it had set. And a nice, fresh-from-the-box crispness from the wafer biscuits. Some aerosol whipped cream would have put it over the top, but otherwise it’s difficult to find fault with a masterfully executed classic like this.

Well done, mate.

Joshua’s Vegetable Pizza

You definitely took a risk going with a savory pasty, particularly a cold, open-faced one. But I believe it’s paid off in spades.

You’ve got a stunning golden brown color and superb flaky texture from the Pillsbury crescent dough you rolled together to form the crust–a stroke of true genius, that. Then you have a uniform layer of fromage à la crème; too much and you would have run the risk of a soggy bottom. And the colors of the broccoli florets, fresh tomatoes, and bell peppers look truly dazzling.

That said, the vegetables are really more of a garnish, so I’m just gonna scrape those off onto my paper plate before trying it.

There we go. Much better, innit?

Kaileene’s Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes

Now this is what I call a showstopper. Conceptually it’s leaps and bounds beyond anything this break room has ever seen. Never in my life would I have thought to bake the sponge right in the cone! It’s bloody brilliant is what it is. And the piping work you’ve achieved with the canned funfetti icing is nothing short of extraordinary.

Now let’s cut into it–there we go, would you take a look at that delicate chocolate sponge, made all the more decadent from the gummy worms so evenly displaced throughout. And it tastes as scrummy as scrummy gets. This is professional level baking–and from an intern no less!

I’d say you’re the one to beat, Kaileene.

Robin’s Three-Tier Lemon Gâteau Victoria Filled with Fresh Passionfruit Curd and Raspberry Jam, Lined with Hibiscus-Lime Macarons and Topped With Fondant Orchids and Intricate Sugar Work

I mean, what do you want me to say? It’s a complete disaster, Robin.

I don’t even know where to start.

All this on top, the flower thingies, the giant bow made of spun sugar, it’s all too much. Is fondant even edible? I’m pretty sure it isn’t. Rainbow sprinkles, crushed Oreos, or fun-size Butterfingers would have worked a whole lot better.

Perhaps this is personal preference, but I simply don’t care for the combination of cake and fruit. Sometimes simplicity is best, and I think a traditional chocolate lava cake would have been a wiser choice.

Oh dear, it appears you forgot to remove the seeds from your passionfruit filling. Quite an odd yellowish hue to it, too. Best to forego the curd completely, and the raspberry jam while we’re at it, and replace them with butterscotch or Cool Whip. Finally, your macarons have smooth, crisp shells and chewy, subtly-flavored interiors–just as I feared. Maybe they’d be better dipped in hot fudge?

A huge disappointment all around, I’m afraid. Today just wasn’t your day.

Bill’s No Bake Cookies

Sublime. Exemplary mouthfeel. Positively scrummy. You should be immensely proud of this bake, Bill.

Good show, indeed.

Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.