Homepage / Fake News / 6 Worst Types of Hookups You'll Have in Your Lifetime
Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings Lame Time Traveler Arrives to Warn Nation Against Electing Trump POTUS Wes Anderson Begins Filming Next Film In France A Funeral Director’s Guide on How Best to Die Dating By Invitation Only GPS Lite: The Navigation System That Doesn’t Know Where You’re Going Must Really Suck Being A Democrat These Days Help! I’m the Cialis Guy and I’m Trapped in an Eli Roth Film Fourth Verse Of Christmas Carol Gets Super Religious Tumblr To Ban All Adult Content The Swimsuit Issue L.A. Adds Lanes For Cyclists To Recover From Getting Hit By Cars I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun This Hotel A Goddamn Maze, Reports Father Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat Mom Sends Blurry, Indistinct Photo Of Computer Screen Showing Boots You Might Like Should The NFL Be Doing More To Prevent Female Concussions? How To Get A GoFundMe Insurance Plan NRCC Emails Stolen During Major 2018 Election Hack My Boyfriend Gave Me Cheetos For My Birthday (Love Advice) Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids Fox News Intern Fetching Coffee Tells Herself This Will All Pay Off When She Trump’s Secretary Of State One Day Oscars to Give Out 'Participation' Awards Why You Never Ask Strangers in the Elevator If They Want to Get Drinks ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ Sunk By Unforgivable Inclusion Of Kirby, One Of The Most Offensive Harmful Stereotypes To Ever Appear In Popular Entertainment What's Beeping in the Giant Robot? Man Worried The 6th ‘Transformers’ Movie Will Just Be Stupid 5 Things To Know About ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ Top Agenda Items In Upcoming Democratic-Majority House The Trump Administration’s Official Recommendations for Hanukkah Parties Really, Was George W Bush So Bad? | You make the news…We report it! Sage Grouse Prepare To Defend Alaskan Territory Herpetologists Discover Species Of Frogs That Evolved To Spontaneously Grow Top Hat And Cane Woman Finds It Worrying That All Of New Boyfriend’s Previous Relationships Ended In Breakups Financial Experts Say Stock Market Constantly Plunging, Reaching Record Highs Leading Indicator Of Healthy Economy ‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave David Attenborough Says Collapse Of Civilization On Horizon Should The NFL Prohibit Players From Appearing In Hotel Security Footage? Defeated Republicans In Wisconsin, Michigan Move To Neutralize Democrats Dog Who Successfully Detected Cancer In Owner Put Down For Practicing Medicine Without A License Trump Claims California Downpour Caused by 'Cloud Mismanagement' | Revlon Releases New Functionless Translucent Gel For Women Who Don’t Need Makeup Animorphs & Azkaban A Nightmare at the Abandoned Circuit City Incredibly Popular George H.W. Bush Funeral Gets Extended 2-Week Run Another Academy Award Winning Actor Grabs For The Racist Ring On National TV Optometrist Sets Pressure Of Air Puff Test Way Higher For Asshole Patients IBM Closes Jew-Tracking Division After Decades Of Declining Revenue Notes from Pantone Considering Which Shade of Taupe to Name 2019 Color of the Year Latest from the Humor Times Free App: ‘Christmas Wishes’ Trump is to Being President as Battery Acid is to Being a Skin Conditioner The 4 Medical Conditions That You Can Have Furloughed Willie Horton Pays Respects At George H.W. Bush Funeral International Climate Conference Kicks Off In Poland Producer Tells Actress Non-Disclosure Agreement Pretty Standard For Getting Away With Abusing His Power The Computer Mouse Turns 50 Mueller Expected To Reveal Details About 3 Major Players In Russia Investigation Wells Fargo Computer Glitch Accidentally Forecloses On All 5,700 Branches Our First Reactions To The Avengers 4 Trailer Wisconsin Legislature Weakens Incoming Democratic Governor By Restricting His Access To Food, Water, Shelter 8 Chill Ways To Deepen Your Relationships With Your Bros Nervous Maid Of Honor Just Stringing Together Random Maya Angelou Quotes Grieving Nation Solemnly Waits Extra Day For Their Amazon Shit Wow, Nobody Can Flirt With Me Anymore Last Year’s Cruise Ship Accident Will Not Affect How I Manage This Year’s Cruise Ships Scott Walker Changes Locks On Wisconsin Governor’s Office Raytheon Employee Going To Be Pissed If Bonus Just Missile Again Alternative Wedding Rings for Alternative Couples Plucky Band of Racist Children Commence Construction on Border Wall 11 Babies We Don’t Give A Shit About Fed Proposes Forcing Drugmakers To List Drug Prices In Ads Warby Parker Apologizes For Years Of Testing Glasses On Animals Researchers Publish List Of Ways Animals Can Help Fight Climate Change Guest Roster Assembled For Surprise Birthday Reveals Minimal Understanding Of Girlfriend’s Social Circle Trump Wants a Privatized Post Office Gina Haspel Briefs Senators On Saudis’ ‘Shockingly Uninspired’ Khashoggi Interrogation The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Vice President Pence and Vice President Biden Scientists Say Pluto Definitely A Planet Trump Boys Raid Sister’s Closet For Sexy Clothes They Can Use To Seduce And Blackmail Robert Mueller Woman Preemptively Posts A Few Good Photos Of Herself Online Just In Case She Ever Dies In Shooting GOP-Controlled Wisconsin Legislature Votes To Dissolve State Rather Than Let Democrats Have It The Graveyard of Good and Evil Working At This Diner for 35 Years, I’ve Seen All Walks of Life Deny Themselves True Culinary Pleasure Active-Shooter Drills By The Numbers Ohio State Begins Scouting For Next Scandal Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 4, 2018 New York City Sights to See During Your Next Emotional Breakdown The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 3, 2018 Christ Super Embarrassed About All That Stupid Shit He Said 2,000 Years Ago Man Parallel Parking Tries To Leave Enough Room Between Cars To Infuriate Other Drivers Into Just Giving Up Chemistry Teacher Encouraging Students To Fuck Around With Bunsen Burners In Last-Ditch Effort To Prove Science Is Cool China, U.S. Agree To Temporary Halt To Trade War George H.W. Bush Remembered For Vast Contributions To AIDS Quilting Community How I Got a Ticket Speed Dating My Boyfriend Is Jealous of Deadpool's Costume (Love Advice) Divorced Parents A Little Hurt Child’s Christmas List Doesn’t Include Heartbreaking Wish For Them To Get Back Together Horoscopes for Jerks: December, 2018 George H.W. Bush’s Casket Completes Log Flume Journey To U.S. Capitol Violence Erupts Across France As Citizens Protest High Cost Of Refilling Crème Brûlée Torches When You're a Total Push Over

Fake News

6 Worst Types of Hookups You’ll Have in Your Lifetime


1.The Sexual Mismatch

undefined

We don’t want to kinkshame anyone so we’ll refrain from saying that anyone’s sexual desires are weird. That said, it a fact of life that not everyone’s sexual desires always match up and in a hookup situation. Sometimes you’ll go home with someone expecting something relatively vanilla, only to find that that were more in the mood to have someone shove deli meats up their peehole. You’re then faced with two options: you can either keep and open mind I try something out that you’ll most likely not enjoy all that much, or you can politely tap out and deal with the awkwardness that ensues. Either way, it wasn’t how you had hoped your night was gonna go.  

2. The Bad Kisser

undefined

Say what you will about the Sexual Mismatch, but at least they know what they’re doing. Not these guys. Everything seems great at first: They’re cool, they’re cute, they’re interested. Then you get down to business and it feels like they’re trying to clean out the inside of your mouth with a squeegee. You try to stick it out from there and things just keep getting worse and worse. By the end of the night you somehow have a crick in your neck and a the smell of their spit wafting towards your nose. The shittiest part is that if they didn’t suck they’d be awesome, so blowing them off becomes a challenge.  

3.The Friend You Should Have Stayed Just Friends With

undefined

It seemed like such a good idea at a time. You like the person. You you like hooking up. Why not combine the two? Well it turns out, it’s because they don’t mix. It’s not as dramatic as they make it on TV where one hook up either means your getting married or your friendship is over. That said, it’s still weird as hell. You can never look at your friend again without thinking, “Hey, I know what it’s like to hook up with you” and once you cross that line, there’s just no coming back from that.

4.The One Who Keeps Popping Up In Your Life

undefined

As awkward as hooking up with a friend can be, it’s at least not all consuming. There’s more to you and your friends’ relationship than just the hook up. That’s not the case with this person. You thought they’d be a one and done situation, but for some reason this person keeps intruding in on your life unexpectedly and all you can think of when you look at them is one bad hookup you had a year ago. Whatever the opposite of a gift that keeps giving is, that’s what this person is.

5. The One Who Wanted More

undefined

There’s a reason they’re called ‘Hook up’ and not ‘relationship starters.’ Unless things go a certain way, it’s implied that this is just a one time thing, and, unfortunately, this person did not get that message. You don’t have anything against them, so you don’t want to just reject them. That said, you also don’t want things to go any further, so you end up just kind of ignoring them in a way that ends up being meaner than if you had just been up front. Who would have thought except literally ever sitcom of the past 40 years?

6. The One Who Didn’t

undefined

Of course, you won’t always be the one doing the rejecting. What hurts infinitely more than letting someone down is getting let down yourself. As it turns out, the worst kind of hook up is the kind that you don’t realize is a hook up until it leaves you feeling like shit. Hooking up is not for the faint of heart.

 






Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish