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Wray Herbert: A Rhyming Farewell to 2012

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Happy hols to all! Our apparel is gay!
Crèche and menorah and Le Target.
Let’s pause and look back, and utter a sigh,
As we relive some moments from the year gone by.

Politics first, election night was glo-o-o-o orious!
A dreary campaign, but Nate Silver’s victorious!
Karl Rove’s red-faced — hey Mitt, hey Ryan!
The voters weren’t fooled by all that lyin’.

Obamacare, yes! Poor Seamus, oh no!
And binders of women, and all that dough!
The tally — 332 to 206.
The 47 percent took their licks.

Vox populi! Marijuana for fun,
And the blessing of marriage for everyone.
The voters in Washington, Maryland and Maine
Make the right choices once again.

The Arab world continues to boil
Assad’s castle keep isn’t feeling so royal.
Gaza smolders, Palestine’s home –
Israelis watch fireworks under the Dome.

Generals at play! The Fall of Petraeus –
Did he just have sex or did he betray us?
Americans mourn Benghazi’s dead
While McCain makes political hay instead.

Our prayers go out to the victims of floods
What unfriendly weather — quakes, drought and mud!
The East coast’s still reeling from Sandy’s wrath
Let’s debate global warming — can you do the math?

Energy woes! No more nukes for Japan,
After that shaking they need a new plan.
Let’s grow the grid. What’s the excuse?
When six hundred million Indians lose juice!

America’s family! No more Ozzie
Or Harriet left in prime time TV.
It’s a New Normal! A Modern Family!
What’s the country coming to? Tune in and see.

Sex on TV, but danger too –
Even Dexter has a serial killer to woo.
Lena Dunham’s Girls are ravenous waifs
(Carrie Mathison’s busy, keeping us safe).

Shades (and tints and hues) of grey,
But Pussy Riot is locked away.
A wide-screen Lincoln lobbies the Hill,
Pi’s 3-D quest is a spiritual thrill.

The sporting life! Hail the Olympian!
Forget badminton, the women were wimpy, and
Instead be inspired by Oscar Pistorious
And Usain Bolt, who bolted once more for us.

The euro’s still wobbly, and markets will follow,
Austerity measures are hard to swallow.
Spaniards and Greeks — they can’t find a job,
So they’re out in the streets, an angry mob.

Hail Britannia! The Queen’s jubilee,
Expectant royals and national glee.
But the Brit’s E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-
P-E-D-I-A — finally time to go.

Frontiers! An Austrian jumps from space,
The God particle heats up the particle race.
But the planet Earth, so we’re told
By Marco Rubio, ain’t very old.

Farewell, Sally Ride, you’re riding alone,
And Neil Armstrong’s taking a giant leap of his own.
Ray Bradbury’s chronicle, the rumpus of Sendak —
Their stories endure, though they won’t be back.

The music died! Bluesy Etta’s tune,
And Levon’s last waltz, way too soon.
Brubeck’s ivories finally took five,
Dick Clark didn’t age, yet his time arrived.

December’s been troubling, wondering if
We regain our footing or fall off a cliff.
Boehner, McConnell — they toy with our fate.
Here’s a message for them: Can you spell M-A-N-D-A-T-E?

But for now light some lights! And dangle some baubles!
We’ll put aside our partisan squabbles.
We’ll look ahead, and with the help of some elves,
Bid fond farewell to twenty twelve.

Read the Rest of this Article ->: Comedy on HuffingtonPost.com on 10 December 2012






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